


In Which Lois Lane Demonstrates The Gentle Art Of The Graceful Apology

by twriting



Series: Action! Starring Lois Lane (With Special Guest Appearances By The Woman Of Steel) [5]
Category: Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Clark Kent is now a college student named Cantrell, Female Clark Kent, but Kent still can't escape the gravitational pull of Lois Lane, synopsis for those who haven't read the rest of my au and don't want to;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:08:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25147480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twriting/pseuds/twriting
Summary: Lois Lane apologizes for crossing lines in the pursuit of journalism.(This description may contain blatant lies.)
Relationships: Clark Kent & Lois Lane
Series: Action! Starring Lois Lane (With Special Guest Appearances By The Woman Of Steel) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644715
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

Lois Lane wakes up on the floor, sprawled out like a broken slinky with her dress from the night before rucked up and wrapped around her like a full-body garrote. Hadn't even made it to the sofa before collapsing. At least she remembered to put in her dental grind guard. Habit is a wonderful thing.

Pulling her limbs in and rolling over takes more effort than it should. Lois takes a few seconds to gather her strength, then tries to push herself upright. Searing pain shoots straight out of her right hand and into the nerves behind her eyes, sending sparks through her vision. Lois spends a few more seconds gasping on the floor, letting the pain pass, before she tries again with her left hand.

Her right thumb is immobilized with tape and two of her fingers are in splints, and Lois has to admit slapping an indestructible person might not have been her best plan. It's not like she can prove she broke her hand on Kent's face, and Perry is still pissed about her sending the medical bill to the Planet.

The thought 'poor Cantrell' flicks briefly across Lois's mind and she stomps on it, thoroughly crushing any sense of misplaced sympathy. Kent is _news_.

Superwoman is news. Kent is a dork. A dork with an indestructible face.

Cradling her right hand against her body, Lois forces herself to her feet. Her kitchen is maybe seven feet away and it might as well be seven miles. Lois pays $2005 per month for just over 220 square feet of space in Upper West Side New Troy. Realtors would describe it as a studio apartment but in a previous life it was storage space and adding a wall and outside door has done nothing to hide its essential closet-ness. Lois doesn't own a cat because keeping even a small animal in such a cramped space would be mean.

The kitchen and bathroom are under the narrow loft where Lois theoretically sleeps, although most nights she just crashes on her small sofa. It takes Lois a few seconds to orient herself in the kitchen. Someone seems to have randomly shuffled left and right around and all the cupboards are now on the wrong wall, or maybe she just needs a few more hours sleep.

Fumbling with her left hand Lois grabs a jar of espresso powder from the cupboard and a teaspoon from the drying rack. Thank God the jar is open because Lois really isn't sure how she'd get the top off otherwise. A couple spoons of espresso take a bit of the edge off. Lois tries to grab a probably clean mug from the counter with her right hand and swears when she bangs her splinted fingers against it. She grabs the mug in her left hand, puts it in the sink under the tap, and uses her left again to turn on the water. That done she turns the water off and tries again to grab the mug with her right hand. Swearing in pain she uses her left to stick the mug in the microwave. She spits her grind guard out into kitchen sink and staggers to the bathroom, where she is briefly confused by the change in lighting and nearly trips over the floor pattern.

_Poor Cantrell._

_No! Bad journalist!_

One relieved bladder later, Lois washes her hands and face. It takes a few swipes to get all the gunk out of her eyes. Her bra and dress are ruined and her panties aren't in the best of condition either. Leaving them on the bathroom floor Lois steps back into her tiny kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Of course she forgot to turn the microwave on so the water is still cold. Shrugging, Lois grabs a spoon, the espresso powder, and a jar of peanut butter and shuffles out into the main area to eat breakfast. Sticking the jars in the crook of her right arm she grabs her phone off the floor and uses her foot to shove a stool over to the window. There are folders full of notes about the Superwoman on the stool and a pair of sunglasses on top of the folders, and the only thing right about the day so far is that Lois gets the stool over to the window without knocking anything off.

The blinds fell off their mounting above the window a few weeks ago and Lois never bothered to report it. Bright afternoon light streams through the window, adding to the general unpleasantness of the day. Sticking the sunglasses crookedly on her face, Lois sits on the folders and groans. She hasn't been this tired since she destroyed the former mayor's career and marriage.

Phone and jars all go on the window sill and Lois waves her middle finger at the neighbour gawking at her from the nicer building across Jordan Street. Groaning again Lois reaches out with her foot and just manages to snag her purse. She drags it closer and, feeling at least twice her age, bends down to try and fish her painkillers out from the side pocket. After a couple of minutes of yanking one-handed at the little zipper Lois gives up. She can worry about that after breakfast.

Breakfast turns out to be problematic. Jamming the peanut butter between her body and right arm doesn't give her enough leverage to open the jar, clamping it between her legs probably wouldn't be any better and there are hygiene issues with that idea, and while the jar is only plastic it proves too tough for her to chew through. Three more tablespoons of espresso powder fail to provide insight into the Peanut Butter Situation.

Food is for the weak. Real journalists eat data. Lois decides to check her messages.

One hundred and nine texts, thirty eight emails, and thirteen voice messages.

One hundred and twelve texts, thirty nine emails...

One hundred and fourteen texts...

Being the World's Greatest Investigative Journalist (tm) is not supposed to feel this miserable. At least that bratty little girl across the street has stopped staring at her.

Gnawing sadly on the peanut butter jar, Lois contemplates curling up like a pillbug and weeping.

* * *

stayinyour: cantrell  
stayinyour: hi  
stayinyour: u busy?

* * *

" _Please hold for the president_."

Lois hangs up. She hates it when people call and then put her on hold. Besides, it's not like she can't figure out what Finch wants and Lois really doesn't have anything to say that's not already in her articles.

Well no. She's got lots to say but she actually feels bad about it. Ignoring the incoming call icon, Lois texts Kent again. Sixteen messages and no reply.

The cops are still knocking on her door. If they want to talk to her they can get a warrant and kick down the door like any other self-respecting law enforcement agency.

* * *

stayinyour: i nd a favr  
stayinyour: cantrell  
stayinyour: cantrell  
stayinyour: cantrell

* * *

Anything from various levels of government gets deleted. If they want to talk to Lois they can go through the Planet's lawyers.

Anything from work mentioning receipts or expenses gets deleted. Perry knows where to find her.

Anything from her dad... Lois reluctantly pulls her finger away from the trash icon.

Anything that involves variations on _congratulations!_ or _wow!_ or _biggest story of the century!_ gets deleted. Lois knows.

Oh look, Lucy is broke again. Deleted.

When did Finch start texting journalists from her personal phone? Deleted.

Nothing from Kent yet.

* * *

stayinyour: cantrell  
stayinyour: cantrell  
stayinyour: cantrell

Childe5-12: WHAT  
Childe5-12: You're worse than Batman

stayinyour: u knw batman? how much does wayne pay him?

Childe5-12: He doesn't work for Bruce. That rumour got started on an anti-semitic conspiracy forum and I'm really disappointed that people keep spreading it

stayinyour: why dsn't wayne sue the forum?

Childe5-12: Why sue when it's cheaper to buy the forum server and give it to the DoJ?

stayinyour: bruce wayne is a genius

Childe5-12: Nah  
Childe5-12: What do you want?

stayinyour: ds wayne knw ur superwoman?

Childe5-12: I keep my personal life and 'career' separate

Childe5-12: Please don't tell anyone

stayinyour: rlly nt trying 2 be threatening but arent u worried about hving these texts on other pples phones?

Childe5-12: Batman and I use a custom app that lets either user delete the conversation from both devices  
Childe5-12: And I have a Kryptonian diamondoid-lattice computer installed in my phone. It's already hacked your phone and rewritten every incriminating text  
Childe5-12: Check our previous convos if you don't believe me

stayinyour: wow  
stayinyour: can i have a kryptodiamondcomputer?  
stayinyour: do u knw how mny awkward talks w Perry that cld save me?

Childe5-12: No. Earth is not ready for this technology  
Childe5-12: Sorry  
Childe5-12: That sounded way funnier and way less pretentious in my head. It's just that the tech is based on a silicon lifeform from Krypton, an infectious disease that crystallised carbon-based biochemistries  
Childe5-12: It's sort of like mad-cow disease but for the entire body

stayinyour: ok nt cool

Childe5-12: So it's not safe to share it until someone develops a cure for xurtho syndrome that doesn't involve exposing the patient to rondor horns

stayinyour: whats a rondor & why is it horny?

Childe5-12: An extinct animal from Krypton

stayinyour: why is it horny?

Childe5-12: It was weak the first time, Lois  
Childe5-12: What do you want?

  
stayinyour: i nd a favr  
stayinyour: u get 2 commit acts of journalism w me

Childe5-12: I'm working at my job placement for the next few days

  
stayinyour: help me w this & ill tell perry to hire u back

Childe5-12: He can't hire me back. I never worked for him in the first place

stayinyour: u shld. we have gr8 benefits

Childe5-12: I'm going to be a social worker

stayinyour: bad plan. benefits suck

Childe5-12: Why would I want to work with a person who is trying to extort me?

stayinyour: its not extortion its blackmail

Childe5-12: How is that any better?!

stayinyour: not even blackmail. i just nd a favr  
stayinyour: im nt going 2 expose u. uv bn here 16 yrs & th only thng u did wrng is d8 a ginger maniac

Childe5-12: Lana is not a maniac

stayinyour: i mnt luthor

Childe5-12: I never dated Lex

stayinyour: i 4give u fr nt asking hw my hand is btw

Childe5-12: You did that to yourself!

stayinyour: technically correct but emotionally unsatisfying

Childe5-12: Not that I'm going to help you, but I'm morbidly curious. What do you need help with?

stayinyour: infiltrating a bridal boutique

Childe5-12: what

stayinyour: 1 of mannheims girlfrnds works thr. im trying 2 get close 2 her

Childe5-12: Why don't you get Jimmy to help you?

stayinyour: cant. he wont work. also u nd 2 wr plaid 4 this

Childe5-12: ?!

stayinyour: they think im a lesbian

Childe5-12: ?!!

stayinyour: they have a promo this wk. 15% off lgbtq celebrations

Childe5-12: ?!!!!

stayinyour: ur name is phyllis

Childe5-12: !!!!!!!!

stayinyour: i panicked

Childe5-12: No  
Childe5-12: I am not helping you commit fraud

stayinyour: not fraud. journalism

Childe5-12: It's still not happening

* * *

The remaining 19th Century retail buildings on this section of Ferry Street in Brookline are well-kept enough to be called classy. Standing next to Lois, Kent looks up at a glowing pastel sign that advertises Penni's Bridal Experience. She scowls at the sign, then down at Lois.

"How am I here again?"

"Free chocolate. Now shut up and pretend you love me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metropolis? It's in Connecticut. The boroughs of New Troy and Hell's Gate, generally considered the heart of the city, lie between the Connecticut River and the Thames River (Metropolis Bay). Bakerline and Park Ridge are east of Metropolis Bay, Queensland Park west of Connecticut River, and St Martin's is north of New Troy and Hell's Gate.


	2. Chapter 2

**P.White** : HOW THR HELL DID YOU FLOOD A BRUDAL SHOP?!

 **stayinyour** : its fine

 **P.White** : "FINE" DORSN'T PAY FOR A ROOM FULL OF DAMSGED DRESSES!

 **stayinyouryour** : kent got mannheims gf 2 press dv charges. cops arrstd him 10 min ago. i jst snt u th stry & pics. chck ur email

 **P.White** : I knew there's a reason I haven'y murdered you yet.


End file.
